Attachment and Relationships

Attachment is an umbrella term. When we talk about attachment we talk about secure and insecure attachment.

Attachment theory was proposed by British child psychiatrist John Bowlby. It suggests that in order to grow up into adults who can form healthy relationships, we need to have had at least one caregiver as a child who we could trust, kept us safe, and was reliable and consistent with affection and care.

If we didn’t get this, or our main caregiver was not mentally or physically well, we end up with what is often called ‘attachment issues’. This means our adult relationships are difficult and cause distress. Insecure attachment or attachment issues in adults can look like: difficulty trusting, struggles to attract or stay in a relationship, anxiety, doubt, fears, and/or unhealthy behaviors in relationships, and intimacy and connection difficulties.

Attachment issues come from our very early years. Most researchers say that by the age of 7, we have already formed our attachment. Out attachment patterns run very deep and can be extremely difficult to correct on our own. If you find you always have difficulties in relationships, it is a great idea to seek the support of a therapist who understands attachment.

In therapy, you will identify what needs from childhood still need to be met. You will learn to feel safe in relationships and you can learn and experiment with healthier ways of connecting and bonding with others.

By: Mily Gomez, LPC

Trauma Therapist