Your Behavior is an Attempt at Regulating your Nervous System
In a house where there is no support, protection, or comfort, children have to rely upon the limited resources of their bodies to manage overwhelming circumstances and difficult feelings.
Infants have the fewest resources because their body and nervous system are still very immature and yet even a baby can disassociate.
Toddlers and preschoolers have a few more options. They can use food to soothe themselves or increase adrenaline production through hyperactivity or risky behaviors.
As children reach early puberty, more options become available. They can restrict food, binge, and purge, develop obsessive-compulsive patterns of behavior, act out sexually, pinch/scratch themselves, and even contemplate suicide.
In adolescence, running away is now an option. Teenagers also have greater access to cigarettes and drugs or they can act out sexually.
Other coping mechanisms can be developed such as getting lost in books or fantasy, parentification behavior, or overachieving.
Few trauma survivors realize their behaviors represent an attempt to regulate their nervous system and the unbearable physical sensations and emotions.
When you are a trauma survivor who has learned to manage overwhelming feelings using addictive, eating disorder, or unsafe behaviors, it takes more than reading a book to address both the trauma and the ways you are coping with it.
Many feel so much shame for “not knowing how to deal with their problems.” What if you are here today because you have learned to survive?
Self-compassion is needed in this work. Dr. Gabor Mate often says, Recovery is to recover, what are you trying to get back? You are recovering your authentic self.
By: Mily Gomez, LPC